NOT HAPPY UNLESS EVERYONE YOU’RE SURROUNDED BY IS HAPPY.
Not happy unless everyone you’re surrounded by is happy? Guest blogging over at The Society For Recovering Doormats. It’s #9 of 10 Signs That You Are A Doormat. Especially at holiday time, this is an issue that can exhaust you and leave you feeling under-appreciated and angry.
IS THIS YOU?
–Do you spend months shopping for the perfect gift for each person on your list, having memorized their favorite colors, size, style, listened for hints they have dropped and what they already have? Do those same people give you a lame excuse for why they didn’t get you anything? Or do they gift you with a flammable gel candle bought in the clearance section at a local convenience store?
–Do you host a dinner party and make several different entrees to accommodate those who are vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free, soy free, sugar-free and meat and potatoes people, only to have half of your guests flake and not even attend?
–Do you give yourself up to go hiking in subzero temperatures, on muddy ground, with dehydrated berries and fruit roll ups to eat because it seemed as if everyone else but you thought it would be a cool way to spend New Year’s Eve?
PERCENTAGE OF HOW MUCH YOU GIVE YOURSELF UP
Think for a minute about all of the ways in which you try to make everyone in your life happy. Now calculate a percentage value on how much of yourself you give up in order to do that. 100%? 95%?
WHY THIS SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA
Typically people who do this are kind and loving and just want to feel included or a part of something greater. Somewhere along your timeline you experienced what felt like a positive reward from people-pleasing that had you doing more and more. Maybe you think, If you liked that, wait until you see this!
WHY IT ISN’T A GOOD IDEA
And maybe you’ve experienced the crushing disappointment when others didn’t do what you’d expect, which is match your efforts, or consider you in the way that you’ve considered them.
A NEW PLAN
Don’t beat yourself up. Just make a new plan. Whatever your percentage number is for how much and often you give yourself up, cut it in half. When you hear the Dragon chatter in your head pushing you to do more to please others, call that Dragon forward and inform it that you will no longer respond first and then have to suck it up to keep your word after. You will not replace your happiness and well being with the happiness of others.
- Include your feelings and desires.
- Contemplate your wished-for outcome from your extended behaviors and truly assess how often it actually matches what you get.
- Know that being “selfish” is a good thing for recovering doormats. It is being “for the self.”
- Present what you would like to offer in the way of time, money, and energy, not what others would want to take from you.
- Remember Recovering Mats, that YOU MATTER too.
Whatever traditions you celebrate, have Happy and Merry ones!
FREE MEDITATION GIFT
Now, listen to the Assess Your Stress Meditation. Empty the tension that you’re storing in the precious containers of your body, mind, spirit and emotions. Let me help you call off the Dragons of Stress by choosing one action to stop them in their tracks.
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